Well, my rejection-fueled misery is clearing a little. I have a connection developing with a cute Italian guy (seriously, he's white!). And yesterday I got a 'wink' from a hunky latino (you knew I couldn't go cold turkey). So, last night I had another fun dream! It's been awhile since I've had a good sex dream.
I was at some gay cafe place for Sunday brunch, and the cute guy at the table next to me started chatting with me. (About my age and height, dark hair, kind of guy-next-door looking.) We clicked really well, and decided to head over to his place to hang out for a while. He was at brunch with a lesbian friend of his, and she came along with us to his place. He had a gorgeous house! We visited for a while longer, and just got along so well. At one point, he undid the button and zipper of his jeans, and started rubbing himself. I asked if I could join him! He said sure, but asked if I'd mind three-way kissing. Since the only other person there was the lesbian, I kind of backed off a bit (somewhat confused) and said, uh, I don't do girls. I don't remember the next part very clearly, but in that random dream way, she ended up not being there anymore, and I was makin' out with the cute boy in peace.
Next thing I know, this guy shows up for cutie's shaving appointment. He is a competitive swimmer, and was overdue for a leg shaving. (And apparently can't do it himself - but hey, it's a dream!) It was actually kind of fun watching him with his legs in the air getting shaved. And they were clipping and shaving and trimming with such reckless abandon that little bits of hair were flyin' everywhere. So, when it was all over, cutie suggested we take a shower. I was all in favor of that! The shower was this huge tiled thing with like 6 shower heads, and when we got in, the barber guy was already in there. I didn't mind that nearly as much as I had objected to the earlier three-way scenario...
At one point, I went to get a drink of water, which ended up being from a Starbucks inside a Barnes & Noble. Which was attached to the house... (Entering the Starbucks, I was fully clothed again.) When I get back to the bathroom, cutie is dressed, and there's a full-on party raging. We start kissing again, and I eventually mention that I should get going soon, because I have to work in the morning. From there, the dream morphed into being at the airport, and it was snowing badly.
It was just a dream, and I woke up without anyone there to kiss but a strong desire for somethin-somethin, but it has been so long since I've had such a great dream that it was just nice to enjoy the moment. Hopefully things will be turning around in real life, too!
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Attack of Psycho-Ex
The other day I got an email from Ronny. It was some random dating-website style photo of some random unattractive guy. Ronny said he had just passed away, and asked if I knew him. I had never seen the guy, so deleted the email. When I next spoke to Ronny on the phone, he asked if I had seen the picture. I told him that yes I had seen it, and no, I had no idea who that was.
Turns out that Ronny was testing me. That guy had contacted Ronny through whichever internet site (he uses manhunt...) and told Ronny that I had hooked with him while Ronny and I were dating. The 'he died' line was an emotional ploy to elicit honesty. Of course, I honestly never met the guy, much less cheated with him.
In discussing the whole fiasco with Brad, Ronny came to the realization that the internet guy was in reality Psycho-Ex. He had found out that Ronny and I broke up, and took advantage of the opportunity to cause trouble. The fact that 2 years after the fact he is still upset enough to play such (juvenile) mean-spirited games is particularly scary. Luckily, he used mostly all of the same talking points in his tirade, so it was pretty easy to connect the dots back to his fury of 2005.
He has not contacted me. (Yea!) I guess he is not that brave.
Turns out that Ronny was testing me. That guy had contacted Ronny through whichever internet site (he uses manhunt...) and told Ronny that I had hooked with him while Ronny and I were dating. The 'he died' line was an emotional ploy to elicit honesty. Of course, I honestly never met the guy, much less cheated with him.
In discussing the whole fiasco with Brad, Ronny came to the realization that the internet guy was in reality Psycho-Ex. He had found out that Ronny and I broke up, and took advantage of the opportunity to cause trouble. The fact that 2 years after the fact he is still upset enough to play such (juvenile) mean-spirited games is particularly scary. Luckily, he used mostly all of the same talking points in his tirade, so it was pretty easy to connect the dots back to his fury of 2005.
He has not contacted me. (Yea!) I guess he is not that brave.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Same as always
My friend Joe was in show this weekend, so I went to see it. I hadn't been to one of his shows in a while, so I kind of owed him one! I bumped into my friend Rick while I was there, and we were hanging out after the show, having drinks. We went to the townie gay bar down the street for a few more drinks, and were visiting with a lesbian friend of his. At the bar, she introduced us to this cutie named Rob. I was trying to work my way into their conversation, but he seemed somewhat disinterested in me. A little later, I ended up standing next to him, and was 'accidentally' bumping into him a little. He didn't really notice, but didn't move away either. At one point, the lesbian friend went squeezed his butt, so I took the opportunity to squeeze it, too. He didn't notice. Maybe he just thought she goosed him twice. After he went off to use the bathroom, Rick said how cute he was, and it was too bad he is straight. I was like "WHAT?!" Why didn't you TELL me that??
Figures, though. The one guy in the whole gay bar that I'm interested in, is there with his girlfriend... (They never introduced me to her.)
I was supposed to have a first-date with a hottie out in Springfield, but he never called back. I got stood up for a first date. Stayed in and watched Quinceanera. Very good movie! But, as you know, I have a soft spot for latinos!
Figures, though. The one guy in the whole gay bar that I'm interested in, is there with his girlfriend... (They never introduced me to her.)
I was supposed to have a first-date with a hottie out in Springfield, but he never called back. I got stood up for a first date. Stayed in and watched Quinceanera. Very good movie! But, as you know, I have a soft spot for latinos!
Monday, February 12, 2007
Update
The scale said 167 today!!
I emailed Luther to say I hoped everything was OK. He said he didn't know what I was talking about, everything is lovely. Whatever...
I emailed Luther to say I hoped everything was OK. He said he didn't know what I was talking about, everything is lovely. Whatever...
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Sell sell sell
Okay, I can now sell my condo! Let me explain...
You are aware, I am sure, of the old addage that everything happens for a reason. The corollary to that would be that something NOT happening, is NOT happening for a reason. Case in point, getting an offer on my condo. I had thought the random appearance of the 2 year late insurance hearing was my 'hold-up' or the fact that I was being a chicken and using the move as the tool by which to break up with Ronny. But those have both come and gone, and nothing helped sell the condo.
So, the other Monday night I was watching Six Feet Under on Bravo, and there was a scene where Keith and David got in another fight and broke up. David felt miserable, so they met up to talk. Keith said not to give up on them, yet. The whole 'work this out' scene flashed Sergio to my mind. I then started crying, and continued for the next hour and a half. At first it really bothered me, because it has been SO long since I'd cried over him. The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that I had never really dealt with the situation or gotten closure. He dumped me, I asked him not to, then I ignored him for two and a half years because I couldn't bear it. So, the wound was still there, and festering. I got the idea that maybe the reason I was still stuck in MA was because I needed to flush the wound to get the healing going or I would be cursed with a lifetime of failed relationships.
The following morning I emailed Sergio and said I wanted to establish a friendship with him, and hoped he was still willing. He of course was still willing. Today I ended up heading into Boston to meet up with him. Spent about 7 hours together, had Chinese for lunch, and hung out for a while, and talked. Caught up on some of the events of the past few years, remembered some times from when we were together, and even had a few discussions about our histories, and background - first date kind of things. Honestly, I felt really good about it. He was very friendly and casual, and I didn't feel any NEED to be with him. I think it will be very healthy for me to stop carrying some buried torch for him.
While we there, his roomie, and my friend, and my friend Nish's bf - Mark - came home. We were in Sergio's room, and the door was open. When Mark saw me, he kind of stopped, with a surprised look on his face, and said hi. Sergio was like "you know Jeremy..." And then Mark got back into a 'well, whatever' mood. I'm sure he's talking to Nish about it as I'm writing.
As I was leaving, Sergio asked if I was okay to drive. I asked why wouldn't I be. He said it was late, I must be getting tired. I said I was fine. Then I asked what the alternative would be, anyway. He said, "Well, you can stay here you know." I just smiled and said "mmm No". I think he was being silly.
Somehow, I have a feeling this must be the reason I was still here. Now that the healing has begun, the cosmic wheels have been set in motion. I had three showings in the past week, so it feels like it is already coming to a big bang moment.
You are aware, I am sure, of the old addage that everything happens for a reason. The corollary to that would be that something NOT happening, is NOT happening for a reason. Case in point, getting an offer on my condo. I had thought the random appearance of the 2 year late insurance hearing was my 'hold-up' or the fact that I was being a chicken and using the move as the tool by which to break up with Ronny. But those have both come and gone, and nothing helped sell the condo.
So, the other Monday night I was watching Six Feet Under on Bravo, and there was a scene where Keith and David got in another fight and broke up. David felt miserable, so they met up to talk. Keith said not to give up on them, yet. The whole 'work this out' scene flashed Sergio to my mind. I then started crying, and continued for the next hour and a half. At first it really bothered me, because it has been SO long since I'd cried over him. The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that I had never really dealt with the situation or gotten closure. He dumped me, I asked him not to, then I ignored him for two and a half years because I couldn't bear it. So, the wound was still there, and festering. I got the idea that maybe the reason I was still stuck in MA was because I needed to flush the wound to get the healing going or I would be cursed with a lifetime of failed relationships.
The following morning I emailed Sergio and said I wanted to establish a friendship with him, and hoped he was still willing. He of course was still willing. Today I ended up heading into Boston to meet up with him. Spent about 7 hours together, had Chinese for lunch, and hung out for a while, and talked. Caught up on some of the events of the past few years, remembered some times from when we were together, and even had a few discussions about our histories, and background - first date kind of things. Honestly, I felt really good about it. He was very friendly and casual, and I didn't feel any NEED to be with him. I think it will be very healthy for me to stop carrying some buried torch for him.
While we there, his roomie, and my friend, and my friend Nish's bf - Mark - came home. We were in Sergio's room, and the door was open. When Mark saw me, he kind of stopped, with a surprised look on his face, and said hi. Sergio was like "you know Jeremy..." And then Mark got back into a 'well, whatever' mood. I'm sure he's talking to Nish about it as I'm writing.
As I was leaving, Sergio asked if I was okay to drive. I asked why wouldn't I be. He said it was late, I must be getting tired. I said I was fine. Then I asked what the alternative would be, anyway. He said, "Well, you can stay here you know." I just smiled and said "mmm No". I think he was being silly.
Somehow, I have a feeling this must be the reason I was still here. Now that the healing has begun, the cosmic wheels have been set in motion. I had three showings in the past week, so it feels like it is already coming to a big bang moment.
Homewrecker
(I'm a little tipsy at the moment, so I apologize in advance if I screw up my grammar or spelling... :)
First off, I am at 169 pounds again. Wuhoo. Not that great of progress, but progress nonetheless. I have decided I need to visualize the beach at Waikiki as inspiration (regardless of whether of not Luis wants to have sex) to lose these 10 f'ing pounds.
Works still sucks, seems to be getting worse, Russell has put notions in my mind to grandstand. If nothing else, when I do quit, it will add to the dramatic effect! I have had a few showings on the condo lately, things seem to be picking up. I am hoping and praying that it leads to something useful (have lowered the asking price some more...).
Okay, now for the juicy bits:
I had dinner tonight with Ronny. A new Brazilian buffet in town (like we needed MORE!). I think Pampas is still the best. He mentioned that Cris wanted to go to the gay club tonight, and Ronny 'needed to dance' so the usual crowd was going out tonight. I said yeah I would go. Sidenote:
Keniah is going to school for massage therapy (somewhat cliche these days) and needs to log 120 massage sessions this year for his school program. I, of course, accept the invitation to receive free massages as often as possible... They play some crappy songs I don't care for, then eventually get around to one I like, so head onto the dance floor and join them to dance. Shortly (very shortly) after, Keniah decides to head to the bar. He asks both of us if we want anything, and we both say no thank you. He heads off, and Luther starts dancing 'with' me. I don't mind so play along. Let's just say it was as close to actual sex as you can get with your clothes on in public. When Keniah got back, there was a brief flare up, and he went to stand at the side of the dancefloor. At the end of the following song, Luther stopped dancing with me, and headed over by Keniah. They quickly ran off to the front lounge area of the club, so I left them alone. I decided to order a third Stoli tall before heading over to see what was up. They were back on the dancefloor side of the bar by then, so I went up, and Luther immediately said good-nite, they were leaving. Keniah was noticeably chilly in his good-bye. I am now there alone, but have a full glass, so stand by the dancefloor and drink my beverage (I left as soon as it was empty, which is why I am now a little tipsy). While I was standing there, this other guy showed up. I think he is 'married' because I always see him at the club with the same guy, he wears a nice band on THAT finger, and I had met them at a party several years ago, and seem to recall being told they were together. But I have seen him at the gym a couple times. He is very hot, and black/hispanic/brazilian/something dark. So, I made eye contact a few times tonight, and gave the little "hey" nod to him, as I left. He was there with the supposed husband, but I noticed that guy didn't have a ring on his wedding finger, so I am not completely sure now. When I see the hottie at the gym, he is alone, so the next time I see him there, I may say hello...
As I mentioned before, I am interested in Luther, and Luther appears to be interested in me. He was even being a little more 'toppish' than usual tonight. They had invited me to a 3-way a couple years ago (and then never called), but I am just not that into Keniah. And, the drama that apparently ensued this evening makes me less inclined to get in the middle of any relationship feud. (That word looks horribly misspelled right now... ahh alcohol.) I would not mind at all getting it on with a cute black guy - it has been a while. And he and I did discuss tonight (briefly) my darkmeat affinity, again. I got the distinct impession, though, tonight that Keniah would be less than pleased with that encouter, despite the conversation I had been privy to a few months ago (same night as the November Jobhunt conversation) where Keniah said he is practicing letting Luther play around on the side.
I may have ruined my chances at free massages this year...
First off, I am at 169 pounds again. Wuhoo. Not that great of progress, but progress nonetheless. I have decided I need to visualize the beach at Waikiki as inspiration (regardless of whether of not Luis wants to have sex) to lose these 10 f'ing pounds.
Works still sucks, seems to be getting worse, Russell has put notions in my mind to grandstand. If nothing else, when I do quit, it will add to the dramatic effect! I have had a few showings on the condo lately, things seem to be picking up. I am hoping and praying that it leads to something useful (have lowered the asking price some more...).
Okay, now for the juicy bits:
I had dinner tonight with Ronny. A new Brazilian buffet in town (like we needed MORE!). I think Pampas is still the best. He mentioned that Cris wanted to go to the gay club tonight, and Ronny 'needed to dance' so the usual crowd was going out tonight. I said yeah I would go. Sidenote:
(The other week I was at my friend's house playing Warcraft with her boyfriend. At one point, Comedy Central was on, and Dane Cook was doing his comedy routine, which included a segment about his girlfriend "needing" to go dance. He commented that guys never "need to dance" like girls do. The immediate thought I had was that he was talking solely for straight guys. Gay guys do the "need to dance" thing, too.)I went to the club about 11:45, since Ronny said they would get there about 11pm. None of them ever showed up this time. I had bought a drink (Stoli raz and sprite - tall) to help the standing around look (if you're not dancing, standing around by yourself without a drink just looks wrong) when Luther and Keniah showed up. (see also the november post Jobhunt). Keniah mentioned they were discussing their 'good' friends that evening and where they would be in 5 years, and said I would be in, most likely, SanFran. I mentioned a friend of mine is moving there this month, and I may visit to job hunt. The evening progresses, we dance a little, we drink some more, and things are good. I figure by this time, none of the brazilians are coming tonight...
Keniah is going to school for massage therapy (somewhat cliche these days) and needs to log 120 massage sessions this year for his school program. I, of course, accept the invitation to receive free massages as often as possible... They play some crappy songs I don't care for, then eventually get around to one I like, so head onto the dance floor and join them to dance. Shortly (very shortly) after, Keniah decides to head to the bar. He asks both of us if we want anything, and we both say no thank you. He heads off, and Luther starts dancing 'with' me. I don't mind so play along. Let's just say it was as close to actual sex as you can get with your clothes on in public. When Keniah got back, there was a brief flare up, and he went to stand at the side of the dancefloor. At the end of the following song, Luther stopped dancing with me, and headed over by Keniah. They quickly ran off to the front lounge area of the club, so I left them alone. I decided to order a third Stoli tall before heading over to see what was up. They were back on the dancefloor side of the bar by then, so I went up, and Luther immediately said good-nite, they were leaving. Keniah was noticeably chilly in his good-bye. I am now there alone, but have a full glass, so stand by the dancefloor and drink my beverage (I left as soon as it was empty, which is why I am now a little tipsy). While I was standing there, this other guy showed up. I think he is 'married' because I always see him at the club with the same guy, he wears a nice band on THAT finger, and I had met them at a party several years ago, and seem to recall being told they were together. But I have seen him at the gym a couple times. He is very hot, and black/hispanic/brazilian/something dark. So, I made eye contact a few times tonight, and gave the little "hey" nod to him, as I left. He was there with the supposed husband, but I noticed that guy didn't have a ring on his wedding finger, so I am not completely sure now. When I see the hottie at the gym, he is alone, so the next time I see him there, I may say hello...
As I mentioned before, I am interested in Luther, and Luther appears to be interested in me. He was even being a little more 'toppish' than usual tonight. They had invited me to a 3-way a couple years ago (and then never called), but I am just not that into Keniah. And, the drama that apparently ensued this evening makes me less inclined to get in the middle of any relationship feud. (That word looks horribly misspelled right now... ahh alcohol.) I would not mind at all getting it on with a cute black guy - it has been a while. And he and I did discuss tonight (briefly) my darkmeat affinity, again. I got the distinct impession, though, tonight that Keniah would be less than pleased with that encouter, despite the conversation I had been privy to a few months ago (same night as the November Jobhunt conversation) where Keniah said he is practicing letting Luther play around on the side.
I may have ruined my chances at free massages this year...
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