Tuesday night, around 10:30, there was a knock at my door. It was Ronny. Bearing flowers. He said he was miserable without me, so decided that for as long as I am in town, he would like to still be with me. He admitted that the whole grandstanding declaration back on Sunday was more of an attempt at keeping me from leaving. The flowers have this little battery powered fiber-optic spray in them, so the bouquet blinks with red light.
Wednesday night he came over, as well. We ended up discussing the 'situation' a little more. He said that he realizes that he loves me too much to demand that I do what he wants. He wants to remain friends even after I leave, and that some day he would like me to come visit in Brazil.
I am perfectly happy to stay friends. I want to know how his life happens. And, let's be honest, who would turn down an invitation to hang out in Brazil!!
He did ask I would stay in town until his birthday. (End of February) I told him that I was not planning on staying into 2006. He mentioned that I don't go out with friends on Friday nights anymore, and that it is OK with him if I do. I told him that was more a result of Nish getting back together with his ex, because Nish was who I was usually hanging out with on Friday nights, and now that doesn't really happen anymore. The apology aspect of the comment caught my attention, though. It seems as though he is blaming things on little errors he may have made, like getting mad at me for hanging out with friends while he was at work. (long story - apparently pre-dates my blog...)
Friday, October 28, 2005
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Skiing is BAD
This past Sunday, Ronny was sitting at my computer for a while. I stopped by to see what he was doing, and he was chatting on a Brazilian gay chat room. I was not too happy that the little bit of time I get to spend with him on a Sunday afternoon (between three hours at his house, and an hour on the phone to his sister) was spent talking to random strangers.
He finally got offline, and we were eventually sitting on the couch in front of the TV. An ad came on for one of the area ski hills. He said something about us going in January or February. I said, I might not BE here come January or February. This led into the uncomfortable "Why are you leaving" discussion again. He said he thought I had changed my mind. I said I was still planning to leave.
He felt that if I did not love him enough to stick around, then there really is no point in staying together anymore. If I can just pack and leave him behind, then why is he with me? He said that if I wait another year, he would be able to go along with me. But that if I leave now, he won't want me back. I can not wait a year. My job is driving me nuts, winter is already here again, and I have to sell my condo before my adjustable rate mortgage jumps 3%. I need to leave before the dawning of 2006.
I do love him, enjoy being together, and like him a lot. But I just can't find it in my heart to wait for him. I guess I do not love him enough, just as he said. I do know that he is more in love with than I am in return. I feel badly about the situation, and it pains me to know that he is hurting. I really am not that horrible of a person that I enjoy seeing him suffer. But I think it has to be done. Now that it has come to pass, I think we both need to work on the next stages of our lives. I think that by the time I ready to head out the door, he should be ready to be friends again.
He offered once that in a few years when he goes back to Sao Paulo for a visit, that I am welcome to come along, even if we are not together anymore. He laughingly said he wouldn't even mind if I 'met' someone there. I know there was an element of "I can say it because I don't believe it will happen" but it would be nice to know he someday will be friends.
He finally got offline, and we were eventually sitting on the couch in front of the TV. An ad came on for one of the area ski hills. He said something about us going in January or February. I said, I might not BE here come January or February. This led into the uncomfortable "Why are you leaving" discussion again. He said he thought I had changed my mind. I said I was still planning to leave.
He felt that if I did not love him enough to stick around, then there really is no point in staying together anymore. If I can just pack and leave him behind, then why is he with me? He said that if I wait another year, he would be able to go along with me. But that if I leave now, he won't want me back. I can not wait a year. My job is driving me nuts, winter is already here again, and I have to sell my condo before my adjustable rate mortgage jumps 3%. I need to leave before the dawning of 2006.
I do love him, enjoy being together, and like him a lot. But I just can't find it in my heart to wait for him. I guess I do not love him enough, just as he said. I do know that he is more in love with than I am in return. I feel badly about the situation, and it pains me to know that he is hurting. I really am not that horrible of a person that I enjoy seeing him suffer. But I think it has to be done. Now that it has come to pass, I think we both need to work on the next stages of our lives. I think that by the time I ready to head out the door, he should be ready to be friends again.
He offered once that in a few years when he goes back to Sao Paulo for a visit, that I am welcome to come along, even if we are not together anymore. He laughingly said he wouldn't even mind if I 'met' someone there. I know there was an element of "I can say it because I don't believe it will happen" but it would be nice to know he someday will be friends.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
That sinking feeling
We had about 9 consecutive days of rain here last week. After a week of non-stop rain, we had a heavy downpour on Friday night. It apparently overwhelmed the already-busy drainage system. My house is on a hill, and I'm on the fifth floor, so I was fine. In fact, I didn't even know there was a problem.
I got to work Monday morning, and saw Chino driving down the parking lot on a forklift. I thought that was strange. Walk in the door and discover why. Our main production floor had been submerged under two feet of water late Friday night. My office is raised about 4 inches higher, but we still got hit.
The clean-up has been miserable. Plus, all of our parts are made of steel. Almost everything is prone to rust. We have been going through every single part in inventory to see if it turned rusty. Most things are requiring a wipe-down now to get the moisture off. I luckily don't have to do the wiping, but I'm one of the team evaluating everything.
I think these past two months have been torture because God is tormenting me for not getting my rear in gear and moving on to my next career move (somewhere south of the snow belt). This is the "how much more obvious of a sign do you need????" moment.
Ronny agreed I need to work on changing jobs. When I reminded him what that means, he said yeah he knows...
I got to work Monday morning, and saw Chino driving down the parking lot on a forklift. I thought that was strange. Walk in the door and discover why. Our main production floor had been submerged under two feet of water late Friday night. My office is raised about 4 inches higher, but we still got hit.
The clean-up has been miserable. Plus, all of our parts are made of steel. Almost everything is prone to rust. We have been going through every single part in inventory to see if it turned rusty. Most things are requiring a wipe-down now to get the moisture off. I luckily don't have to do the wiping, but I'm one of the team evaluating everything.
I think these past two months have been torture because God is tormenting me for not getting my rear in gear and moving on to my next career move (somewhere south of the snow belt). This is the "how much more obvious of a sign do you need????" moment.
Ronny agreed I need to work on changing jobs. When I reminded him what that means, he said yeah he knows...
Lasagna
Several weeks ago I made a cheese lasagna. Big hit. But I know Ronny likes meat lasagna, so this weekend I decided to make a lasagna with beef. But I didn't have a bag full of fresh garden-grown tomatoes (that's what triggered the cheese lasagna), so I used Barilla jarred sauce. Sauteed onion and garlic, browned the beef, added alforno and cheese pasta sauces. Smelled kinda Bland. Added more garlic, oregano, pepper... Still tasted a little flat. Decided to dump in a half packet of sazon goya (a little magic in little foil packets!!). For those of you who don't know, it's this seasoning packet from the hispanic aisle that turns food bright orange and zests it up with monosodium glutamate.
Ronny loved the lasagna. Apparently that night, though, he had a major visit with the bathroom. Sunday we had more, as left-overs. That night he called and said he was major stomach issues again, the same as the night before. So, he was guessing it was the lasagna. I said the only thing I could think it would be from would be the sazon. I had no problems eating it, which is good, because now I have to finish all the left-overs. So, I'll have to keep in mind he seems to react badly to MSG...
Ronny loved the lasagna. Apparently that night, though, he had a major visit with the bathroom. Sunday we had more, as left-overs. That night he called and said he was major stomach issues again, the same as the night before. So, he was guessing it was the lasagna. I said the only thing I could think it would be from would be the sazon. I had no problems eating it, which is good, because now I have to finish all the left-overs. So, I'll have to keep in mind he seems to react badly to MSG...
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Neighborly
Yes, it has been a while since I posted. Things just have been THAT boring. Other than unbelievably horrid days at work, there hasn't been anything noticable. And I'm sure you all have enough work-related horror stories to get sick of hearing me whine.
A friend of mine was having a party this past Saturday. I asked Ronny if he wanted to go, and he said Yeah. So, I RSVP'ed. Saturday comes. He had to work in the morning, as usual. He had said he needed to talk to his brother-in-law after work, and would be over a little later. Then I get a call, he was at a children's birthday party for someone he worked with. Went with Cris, and needed a ride back. So, I went and picked him up. Meanwhile, my friend Russell called to ask what I was up to. I said we were heading to Boston, so he said to give him a call later the next week. I picked Ronny up, and we were heading back to my place, and he says he's too tired. When we got to my place, he just wanted to go to sleep. It was like 7:30 pm.
I was rather unhappy. While he drifted off to sleep, I took care of a few things, and logged on to the internet to check a couple emails, and whatever. About 8:30 he came downstairs and apologized for ruining our plans. He was lying on the couch with his head in my lap, practically falling asleep. Said we could stop and get him some RedBull and head into Boston. I knew this was an invitation to Danger. I had visions of how the night would go, so we just ended up staying up. He did stay up for a few hours before calling it a night. Oh well...
Sunday I called my friend Paola. We met in college, then she lived in NYC, and apparently a short while ago she moved in next door! Actually about two blocks away, but still oddly close. I called to see if she was ready for me to stop by, and she said there was something she needed to warn me about before I came over. She said she's Changed. I saw her in January, and was not sure how much a change could have happened, much less something that would 'frighten' me. Turns out she's pregnant. Like 9 months pregnant. And married! But she's doing well.
A friend of mine was having a party this past Saturday. I asked Ronny if he wanted to go, and he said Yeah. So, I RSVP'ed. Saturday comes. He had to work in the morning, as usual. He had said he needed to talk to his brother-in-law after work, and would be over a little later. Then I get a call, he was at a children's birthday party for someone he worked with. Went with Cris, and needed a ride back. So, I went and picked him up. Meanwhile, my friend Russell called to ask what I was up to. I said we were heading to Boston, so he said to give him a call later the next week. I picked Ronny up, and we were heading back to my place, and he says he's too tired. When we got to my place, he just wanted to go to sleep. It was like 7:30 pm.
I was rather unhappy. While he drifted off to sleep, I took care of a few things, and logged on to the internet to check a couple emails, and whatever. About 8:30 he came downstairs and apologized for ruining our plans. He was lying on the couch with his head in my lap, practically falling asleep. Said we could stop and get him some RedBull and head into Boston. I knew this was an invitation to Danger. I had visions of how the night would go, so we just ended up staying up. He did stay up for a few hours before calling it a night. Oh well...
Sunday I called my friend Paola. We met in college, then she lived in NYC, and apparently a short while ago she moved in next door! Actually about two blocks away, but still oddly close. I called to see if she was ready for me to stop by, and she said there was something she needed to warn me about before I came over. She said she's Changed. I saw her in January, and was not sure how much a change could have happened, much less something that would 'frighten' me. Turns out she's pregnant. Like 9 months pregnant. And married! But she's doing well.
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