Skiing is BAD

This past Sunday, Ronny was sitting at my computer for a while. I stopped by to see what he was doing, and he was chatting on a Brazilian gay chat room. I was not too happy that the little bit of time I get to spend with him on a Sunday afternoon (between three hours at his house, and an hour on the phone to his sister) was spent talking to random strangers.
He finally got offline, and we were eventually sitting on the couch in front of the TV. An ad came on for one of the area ski hills. He said something about us going in January or February. I said, I might not BE here come January or February. This led into the uncomfortable "Why are you leaving" discussion again. He said he thought I had changed my mind. I said I was still planning to leave.
He felt that if I did not love him enough to stick around, then there really is no point in staying together anymore. If I can just pack and leave him behind, then why is he with me? He said that if I wait another year, he would be able to go along with me. But that if I leave now, he won't want me back. I can not wait a year. My job is driving me nuts, winter is already here again, and I have to sell my condo before my adjustable rate mortgage jumps 3%. I need to leave before the dawning of 2006.
I do love him, enjoy being together, and like him a lot. But I just can't find it in my heart to wait for him. I guess I do not love him enough, just as he said. I do know that he is more in love with than I am in return. I feel badly about the situation, and it pains me to know that he is hurting. I really am not that horrible of a person that I enjoy seeing him suffer. But I think it has to be done. Now that it has come to pass, I think we both need to work on the next stages of our lives. I think that by the time I ready to head out the door, he should be ready to be friends again.
He offered once that in a few years when he goes back to Sao Paulo for a visit, that I am welcome to come along, even if we are not together anymore. He laughingly said he wouldn't even mind if I 'met' someone there. I know there was an element of "I can say it because I don't believe it will happen" but it would be nice to know he someday will be friends.