Weigh-in 2

This Friday I was down to 169!! Measureable progress is always encouraging.

I also have a Match.com derived date scheduled. Take a wild guess what nationality he is... I'll give you a hint; dark hair, brown eyes, speaks Portuguese. The photos look decent, though nowhere near Mateus-level hotness. But I'm nowhere near Mateus level either, so it's all good!

Jobhunt

I was browsing Monster on Monday, and saw a posting for a QC position here in town with Saint-Gobain, a large French multi-national specializing in materials. So, I figured I would submit my resume, and see what happens.
Wednesday, I met up with my friend Joe. We ended up at the gay townie bar to 'have a drink'. While we're there, beginning round two, his friends Luther and Keniah showed up. I've met them before, and know them a little bit. I also kind of like Luther. I get the impression that Luther kind of likes me, as well. At one point this particular evening, he ended up sitting in my lap.
More to the point, I mentioned my loathing of my current employer. Joe joked that I am not leaving Worcester. So, I said I had just submitted a resume to Saint-Gobain. Luther mentioned he was having a meeting the next day with a rep from S-G. He offered to put in a good word for me, if I was any good. I did the 10 second run down of my resume, and Luther got this "oh really" look on his face. He asked if I had submitted a resume to Staples. I hadn't because I was sticking to manufacturing, not retail. He kind of rolled his eyes and said he works for their product development group and works with a whole bunch of QC people. He gave me his email address and told me to send him my resume.
We also exchanged phone numbers, and he invited me to his and Keniah's Christmas party. We'll see which offer proves more fruitful!

Uh DUH

(Please read yesterday's post before this one.)

So, I lived through the experience Saturday, and wrote about it Sunday, but it wasn't until this morning that it dawned on me what was going on. When Mateus said "It was nice meeting you" he was playing along in the "Hey, what's your name" game that I had started when I walked into the club Saturday night. It was just an opening line for me to make the 'nice butt' comment, and then I forgot about it, but apparently he was paying attention.
I feel a little silly for not realizing it...

Addicted to Brazilians?

Thursday night Ronny called to say he was heading over by Cris to wish him a Happy Birthday and asked if I wanted to come along. I declined. A few minutes later, Brad called to say they were having a party for Cris on Saturday, and invited me to come. I, of course, said yes to that.
Psycho Ex from a long time ago was also invited. He was there, but he ignored my existence, as well as Ronny's, and we ignored him. Juvenile, yes. Easier, Oh yes. Some of the other people there said to me that they wished he would ignore them, too!
More importantly, Mateus was there. (I've had some back and forth on whether it is Mateo or Mateus, and I'm back to thinking it's Mateus.) He looked really cute again last night. Maybe it was the very tight, three-buttons open, perfect hot-guy length shirt he had on, and the accompanying occasional glimpse of those little cuts over the hips that point toward the abs, such as Usher has and is so proud of. Or maybe it was the half hour he spent talking to me... At one point, Ronny went over to Mateus's bf, Claudio, put his arm around him, and started chatting. So, Mateus came over by me to say I should keep an eye on my husband. I said we broke up, so Mateus should be more concerned about his bf. He said he isn't the jealous type. I said I am not either, and asked if Claudio is. He said Oh yeah. We then continued to talk for a bit. There were a whole bunch of Brazilians there, since it was Cris's party. As the evening continued, a group them left to go to the club in town. Ronny mentioned that one of them liked me, but I was unable to figure out which one. There was one that I thought was rather cute, but didn't know if he was Cristiano, Alberto, or Junio (they were introduced at the same time).
Shortly after that, the rest of the group decided to head to the club, as well. Ronny rode along with me, and mentioned that Mateus had said he was interested in me. When we got to the club, I went up to Mateus and said "Hey there, what's your name?" as though we'd never met. He said "Marcus"! So, I said "You have a very cute butt." (Oh dear lord in heaven, did he get a nice 'bunda'!) He attributed it to the jeans. I said it wasn't the jeans...
The group then headed out to the dance-floor. Claudio, the muscle-bound gym-rat type with bear-paw hands, predictably doesn't dance. Mateus does, and spent the whole time on the floor, dancing with all of us in the group. As the evening progressed, I guess they had 'another' fight that related to Claudio's jealousy. Brad had told me that those two fight a lot (a 5-week old relationship) and isn't expected to hold out much longer.
Meanwhile, the one cute guy from the Cristiano/Alberto/Junio group kept dancing with me, and I really got the impression he wanted to lean in for a kiss. I played it off as dancing away, not noticing anything... (Imagine my head bouncing like a ditzy blonde when you read that.) That may have been the one that told Ronny of his interest in me. As I said, I thought he was kind of cute. But aside from the Mateus stuff, there is also that nagging thought that I need to stop with the Brazilians. Altho, I had modified that to "no skinny Brazilians" because I didn't want to rule out the drop-dead gorgeous Brazilian I had met at the gym. And Mateus would fall into the disclaimer!
So, I kind of got the feeling that there was a mild flirtation coming from Mateus, and I did my best to throw subtle flirts back. Claudio was standing on the side, watching the whole thing, so I didn't do anything too noticeable. I have already mentioned they had a fight over Claudio's jealousy, so he must have gotten upset about something, but I don't think he would have singled me out. Mateus seemed to be having fun with a lot of us, including Cris, Ronny, and the C/A/J group.
Meanwhile, another guy shows up that all the Brazilians know, and Ronny ends up spending a good deal of time talking with him. The guy was the total twin of my friend Russell's hottie brother. This guy was a bit shorter, though. Still pretty cute. Ronny did not introduce me to him. I'm not sure if that means anything. Ronny's car was still at Cris's house, so he rode back with Cris. Mateus and Claudio also left their car at Cris's, as well as C/A/J. So, Cris's Grand Cherokee was rather crowded. I had my own car, and a 3 minute drive home. As we left, I wished Cris a 'feliz aniversario' and said good night to Ronny. Mateus said good night as well, and followed it with "It was nice to meet you." It threw me off a little, but I replied in a you-big-silly voice that we'd already met before. (Back at the party we had specifically been talking about when it was that we had first met last year.) We had talked a lot more than all previous times combined, and it has that first-date ring to it, so in retrospect, I'm wondering if it means something more along the lines of "I'd like to see you again". Maybe not. He wasn't drinking, so it wasn't a drunken mistake. He speaks very good English, so it wasn't a linguistic mistake either.
If I do end up hookin' up with Mateus at some point, you can bet there'll be pictures taken of him. (Yummmmm) So, stay tuned.

Which SATC girl are you?

I was watching Sex and the City on TBS last night, and was once again reminded that I am totally a Miranda. I was having trouble ignoring the cupcakes in the kitchen, while Miranda was eating chocolate cake out of her trash bin. The episode was about relationships versus sex.

As I was getting ready for bed, the thought crossed my mind that despite the title, the show really is about relationships. The four heroines depict the four possible control situations in a relationship. Miranda is the one in control. Charlotte prefers to have the other be in control. Carrie is more of an equality type. Samantha doesn't really DO relationships, so she doesn't have any control scenario. Extending my "Miranda-ness" in this thought means I am the control freak in my relationships. That, of course, is not a common thing people like to admit. Which makes sense that everyone wants to say they are most like Carrie, but most aren't. I would want to. But I know I am too much of an organized anal-retentive perfectionist to be Carrie.

Reflecting on my relationship with Ronny, and the complaints I have had with him, I realized how tight a grasp I can have on relatively pointless things. Even cooking dinner was often an exercise in control. Use the right pot, not that spoon, the heat's too high, why are you adding so much oil, oh my god that's a lot of salt, stir less, don't forget to rinse that afterwards, and stop using the vent fan because it's totally pointless. We didn't cook together. Either I did and he watched TV, or he cooked and I watched TV. It was easier that way...

For some reason, my mind then went on to my friend Russell, who is a Carrie, in my opinion. His girlfriend is an evil Charlotte. Their relationship totally doesn't work, and it fits the pattern. He wants to be equals, while she is expecting him to take care of everything. So, when he assumes she will contribute, the gaping hole in her expectations sets fights in motion.

It would seem to me that two Carries would work, and a Miranda/Charlotte pair. Two Samanthas would have a lot of fun together, but not be LTR material. Any other combo is going to cause a lot of tension, anger, and frustration. Going back to my earlier comment about wanting to be a Carrie, but not actually being one, the essence boils down to a lot of relationships are one in control and the other happy with that. My parents are a classic example. The 1950's image of the working dad, Stepford-ish housewife, and 'traditional family' structure all but worshipped that type of arrangement.

So, should I make myself into a Carrie, or should I just look for a Charlotte??

My Husband

Have you seen the current Dockers commercial? He is SO my type. There is a portion of it on their website (www.dockers.com click USA click What's New). Yummy yummy yummy. And a nice bounce in the package! (I can't help it, almost the entire commercial is close-ups of his crotch...)

Weigh-in

Due to another weekend of broadband outage (thanks, Charter!) I was not able to check email or post updates to things online. I would have included a brief update on my Celebrity Fit-club progress. After a month of (weak) effort, I have lost a pound!! Yes, one whole entire pound! That may not sound like much, but I still celebrated with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. Just kidding! I know it is pathetic progress. My sole consolation is that it is actually two pounds, since two weeks ago when I weighed myself, I was up one. You can imagine why I didn’t post that announcement. Factoring in the up-coming holidays, I figure about a year and a half to go, at the current rate! Ughhh. I need to find a motivator.

Our #1 Holiday

I read an article about Halloween spending today. This year, estimates are at $1.3billion for the holiday, up from $850million, most of the increase in high-end decorations, costumes, and food/alcohol. It’s not the trick-or-treaters, it’s the parents. There were the predictable comments from the one woman they found who spends more on Halloween than on Christmas. The worn out statistics on college kids who use the holiday as a reason to party. The author was trying to imply that Halloween will overtake Christmas as the biggest holiday here. Of course, the article also included the comment from the above-mentioned woman that she goes all out on Halloween because her mother already rules the Christmas celebration. This afternoon one of the guys at work was whistling “Deck the Halls”. I asked him why he was whistling Christmas music. He said it’s almost Christmas. I replied that it isn’t “almost” Christmas. His response was “Well, I don’t know any Halloween songs.” Other than the theme riff from the movie "Halloween" and the spooky first bar from Bach's D-minor toccata, what music can you associate with this holiday? Seems to me that Christmas is going to be safe for quite some time, yet!
(Incidentally, the Toccata and Fugue in D-minor is a beautiful piece of music. The fugue especially is graceful and elegant, sounds amazing on a good pipe organ, and really has nothing to do with Halloween but a minor key.)

Spooky

The remote for my stereo can control the basic functions of my TV, as well. Power, volume, channel, and input selection are all available on the stereo remote, so I keep the TV remote stashed behind the TV. I only need that one for more complex tasks, including menus. One such task is turning on or off the captions. Ronny could understand the dialog better with the captions on, so for the past year I have gotten used to having the captions on the TV. Last night I was playing a little game at my computer, and had Project Runway reruns playing in the background. Around 7pm, the thought crossed my mind that I still had the captions on, but didn’t need to anymore. I had the stereo remote with me, but didn’t feel like going over to the TV to grab the other remote, and went back to playing the game. At 8pm, I wanted to switch to Daily Show, so grabbed the remote. When I look down, it is the TV remote in my hand, not the stereo remote. I just stared at it for like 20 seconds. How in the World did that remote end up in front of me???

PR3

Olympus fashion week in New York was a couple weeks ago. I read an article about it that included a quote from Jay McCarroll (spelling?) predicting this season’s Project Runway winner would be Jeffrey. That was kind of a spoiler… On the episode last Wednesday, Uli and Laura were the top two, leaving Michael and Jeffrey on the runway. Of those four, my pick is Michael, so knowing Jeffrey showed meant Michael was out. Then they pulled out the biggest surprise of the show; all four are going to fashion week! Season one was won by a flaming homo. Season two was an Asian woman. Michael is my favorite, but as far as I can tell both he and Jeffrey are straight. Jeffrey has a girlfriend and a son, so that’s easy to tell, but Michael has not let on any personal info besides growing up in the ghetto in NYC. Last season was crawling with ‘mos. This one was a lot tamer. Kayne was a big queen (makes pageant gowns for a living), and Robert was obvious before his recycling ex-boyfriends comment. Bradley was obviously straight (didn’t know anything about Cher). Keith was the cutest, but not around long enough to find out much info on. I’d guess gay, but could be wrong. Malan was creepy Euro-trash, and Vincent was just cuckoo for coco-puffs. So, I’m not sure about either of those two. But there’s a chance this season will be won by that rarity in high fashion, a straight man!

My Big News

The other fun and excitement this past weekend was that I broke up with Ronny. It started Friday evening, and finished Sunday afternoon. Several cycles of “I don’t understand” and “You will never find happiness” and “I am strong, I’ll be fine” and “How could you do this to me” and now we are just friends. I still need to get a bit more of my privacy back. We did discuss it, and he agreed to come over under invitation like other friends, instead of unannounced like a significant other. Well, he usually wasn’t completely unannounced, it was either “I’ll be there in 30 minutes” and then some time in the next 4 hours he would randomly show up, or it was “I’m at the stoplight, I’ll be there in a couple minutes” (literally two minutes). He will gradually move his clothes back to his house, but he still wants to go to IHOP together, or have me help him study English. I don’t mind, really. This way I have somewhere to dump excess belongings when I move, and in a couple years a willing host for a lengthy visit to Brazil. I joked that if we went to Carnival in Salvador we might bump into Sergio. He looked at me quizzically and said there’s no way we would see him in a crowd that size. Then he said I’d find lots of other Baianos there to be interested in! (Probably true. Cris is also a Baiano. The super super-hot guy from the gym is half Baiano.) He did suggest I learn better Portuguese before going. Considering that about none of the Brazilians in Massachusetts spoke English when they got here (and most of them still don’t), I doubt “Voce fala Ingles?” (“Do you speak English?”) will get me very far.

Joe's Progress

St. Joseph has been buried head-first in my philodendron for over three weeks now, and I still have not had an offer submitted. So much for that hyped superstition. I had a showing this past weekend, though through a miscommunication on the part of the showing agent, I was at home at the time. (She was unsure how to use the lockbox, so asked that I stay home to let them in, then used the lockbox and was Surprised I was at home. Those realtor licenses must be Very difficult to obtain.)

It was an old couple; I knew immediately they would not be interested. They harped on not having in-unit laundry hook-ups, because “you know” women don’t do their unmentionables in public laundry areas. (She must not have attended college.) Then they pooh-poohed my wood floors, because they could just buy a cheap unit and put floors in themselves. Then the old grouch started complaining about Elgin toilets. She had her husband check what brand the toilet is because Elgins “don’t flush.” The agent was even saying that being on the sixth floor, it probably wouldn’t be a problem.

To my horror, I had forgotten to clean the little space between the seat and the tank, which is usually where the name is stamped. It was nothing tragic, but a few stray hairs. I did get a sinking feeling in my stomach, as I pictured them studying my toilet. I had cleaned the bowl, the seat, and the tank, but somehow missed that part. This was the only tour I had been included in, and it gave me NO reassurance.

And to answer your burning question; it does not say what brand it is.

Hearing Aid

For those of you who don't recall, two years ago (almost exactly) I was in a car accident. My little PT Cruiser was totalled. I was making a left turn, saw an on-coming car, stopped. The retiree in the other car drove full speed into my car, despite the red light 20 feet in front of me. According to state law I was automatically at fault because I was making a left, so I filed an appeal. My insurance went up anyway, so I looked it up. The appeal form just starts a process where they schedule you for a hearing. I apparently missed my hearing; but I know for a fact I would not have missed that notice in mail. So, I've been paying about $700/year extra because of the accident on my driving record.

Tonight I got the hearing notice in the mail. TWO YEARS LATER! It's scheduled for late October. Are you kidding me?!?!? Of course, this is organized by the State of Massachusetts, and the hearing is at the Registry of Motor Vehicles. Luckily, they do schedule it for the department in your own area, so it's walking distance, not 3 hours away... I sure hope I qualify for a refund on all those insurance premiums I've been paying.

Assuming, of course, that they believe me when I tell them that it's not my fault the old fart wouldn't stop.

Celebreality

It is official - I need to go ona diet. I had a dream last night that I was a 'contestant' on VH-1's Celebrity Fit Club. Now, I realize that as thin as their definition of celebrity may be, I still do not count as one. But the fact that my subconscious mind placed me in a weight-loss competition means that something has gone horribly awry.
So, to follow the main technique of televised weight loss, I will announce my starting weight and track the progress. (Amy's tantric reading is more fun to follow along with, but I gotta start somewhere.) I weight myself at work. The scales are calibrated every six months for accuracy. I weight myself (obviously) fully dressed. This is not a problem since I'm looking at the delta, not the absolute. Today I stepped on the scale to read 171 pounds. My goal is 160. Doesn't sound too bad. But it has been my goal for almost two years, and I am practically unchanged.
Here we go...

Not Smart Enough

Ronny and I went to dinner last night. Somehow the conversation drifted to him asking if there were things he did that I didn’t like. I mentioned that I don’t like biting, and it annoys me that every time he smells something foul he accuses me of farting. Both of these are things we’ve discussed, and he hasn’t tried biting in quite some time now. He responds with one or two things about me that are inconsequential, then says that I am not smart enough. He wishes I were more like Brad. This is Not inconsequential. I reiterate in disbelief, “I’m not smart enough for you?!” He says I misunderstood; he didn’t say “for me.” He said I wasn’t smart enough, but he loves me anyway, so he doesn’t care. After some stunned silence, I sort ask for explanation. He often rips on random strangers walking by, and I almost always react with “Ronny, be nice.” He wants me to join in on the jokes. He also thinks I don’t notice things going on around me, like him checking out some guy or another. Brad calls him on it, but I don’t. I explained that I am not the jealous type, so I notice, but I just don’t care. (Brad is quite the jealous type, and I am occasionally asked to be an accomplice in Cris’s cover-ups.)

When we get home, he apologizes “for saying things he shouldn’t say.” He adds that I don’t talk much, so he sometimes talks too much. He asks if I forgive him. I reply, “How can I forgive you for thinking I’m stupid when you still think that I am?” He gets all affectionate and apologizes over and over. He says that he really only meant he doesn’t like that I’m too serious and don’t join in on his joking. He claims random strangers make comments about his appearance, accent, or job, so he comments on strangers to make himself feel better. I said that if someone insults me, it makes me feel bad, so I shouldn’t insult others because I don’t want to make them feel bad. He apologizes some more, and says he didn’t mean like I thought he did; he thinks I am very intelligent, and a very nice person. I said I could forgive him. He wanted me to be all happy and affectionate then. I said it was like banging your knee on the table; I’d need a little more time to feel better. Then he tries to get me to have sex with him, and I wasn’t going along. He was like “come on, I haven’t had any since Sunday!” (He didn’t come over Monday or Tuesday.) I was just not going to accept. He asked why not. I said I wasn’t happy. So, we watched Project Runway instead (the return of Angela! Ahhhhh!). I’ve been suffering general unhappiness lately, so this really didn’t help my mood much. We’ll see what happens.

PT

Ronny and I pent the weekend in Provincetown. It was his first time there. I hadn’t been in a while. I rented a hotel room at a guesthouse pretty much right in the middle of town. Drove up on Friday night; between construction and a rather nasty looking accident, it took 3.5 hours to get there. Had dinner; Ronny didn’t like the food (too dry). Wandered a little bit and called it an early night. Saturday had breakfast; Ronny didn’t like the food (too bland). Did a little shopping, had some ice cream (no, he didn’t), headed to the beach. I didn’t know exactly how to get there, so it took over an hour to get it down. Ronny refused to wait for the bus, which added to the confusion. He was getting kinda grumpy. But we got there, and the weather was beautiful. Sunny, 80, nice breeze, not humid at all. Probably the nicest day we’ve had in a month, and we were at the perfect location to take advantage of it. Went back to town, washed up, went for dinner; Ronny didn’t like the food (various…). Took a nap, then had plans to head to the club. Ronny didn’t want to wake up, so he was grouchy for the next half hour. The place was relatively dead, but the DJ had the treble turned up way too high. Ronny didn’t like the bathrooms, so refused to go there. Between bored, having to use the bathroom, and his ears hurt, and he had a stomach ache from the lousy dinner, he was complaining in full force. I asked if he wanted to go back to the room, and he said we could go if I wanted to leave. We ended up leaving just after last call. We walked a little bit, then went back to the room. He wanted to buy a bottle of water, so we headed back out. I was aiming for the burger shack, but he insisted on heading to a bar. I tried to explain they were all closed, but he seemed to think he could buy water, anyway. I dragged him to the burger shack, and he got water. In the morning, we had breakfast; Ronny didn’t like the food (too spicy). Did a little more shopping, went through the museum at Pilgrim Monument, had more ice cream (not too bad), and headed home. On the way, Russell called to invite us over for dinner, so I said we’d be there in a little while. Rice, salad, veggies, and grilled pork chops; Ronny didn’t like the food (too healthy). I asked him if he had a nice weekend and if he liked P-town. He said oh yes, it was great. He asked if I had fun. I said yes. He asked if I did every minute. I said yes. I think we both glossed over the causes or effects of the complaining.
He has no patience, and doesn’t like it when things progress any differently than his pre-imagined script. I am way more laid-back, so he especially bristles at my lack of apparent concern when things aren’t going as planned. (Regardless of whether I am aware of ‘the’ plan.) I don’t do running commentary on my thought processes as I try to evaluate and correct a situation, so he just boils over as I am working on a solution. Then he perceives his boiling as the force that created my action. It creates a no-win condition for me, but I don’t think to babble until the boiling has exploded. I think we are just not suited for each other. He seems to see it as I am difficult and should feel lucky to have such an understanding boyfriend. Incidentally, I loved the food at every meal.

Joe

I planted St. Joseph on Thursday. It’s been 8 months with no offers, and 2 months since the last showing. Oddly enough, two months ago was when I chose NOT to bury St Joseph, so I figured it was worth a shot. There’s a little superstition about burying an icon of St Joseph in your yard to help sell your house (or a flower pot in my case). Out of sheer desperation I bought one of the little statues. Nothing else is working, I may as well try. My mother’s prayers must need an amp…

Name Change

I just deleted a prior post. My brother is now a father again. Little baby boy.

I had posted that they named him Jeremy. That news was conveyed to me by our mother, on her way home from the hospital.

I spoke with my brother. He was unsure where that idea would have come from. My new nephew is named Christian Isaac. They had never thought of naming him Jeremy.

Oh well. I'm still an uncle!

Twinkimisu

Some of you may be aware that I do not drink coffee, but I love tiramisu. I make my own, and it is very good. The traditional recipe says to use a splash of brandy or cognac, so I used brandy. Then one day, I saw “amaretto tiramisu” on a menu. We, of course, were too stuffed to get dessert, so I didn’t try any. But the next time I made one of my own, I subbed DiSaronno for the brandy. And it was divine! Since that time I had only made them amaretto style. Earlier this year I was at Disney with some friends, and the Pop Century hotel dining room made a dessert called “Twinkie tiramisu.” Once again, we never had the opportunity to order any. (We didn’t eat much at the hotel; mostly at Epcot’s world showcase.) This past weekend we were having Brad and Cris over for dinner, and I couldn’t come up with a good dessert idea. I asked Ronny if he wanted tiramisu again, and he excitedly said yes. So, I tried my hand at Twinkimisu. I cut the bottoms off the Twinkies, and scooped out most of the cream filling, so I was left with primarily golden sponge cake, with traces of filling. I was, unfortunately, out of DiSaronno, so I was figuring we’d be stuck with brandy again, when I got the bright idea to use the Razzmatazz raspberry liquer in the freezer. If the last one was divine, then this one was rapturous! The raspberry doesn’t overpower the other flavors like the amaretto can, so it was a very subtle taste. And the Twinkie cake worked amazingly well, too. It costs a bit more to do it that way, and it is quite a bit more work. Though, the cutting and scooping may be overkill on my part. But it is definitely worth a try!

Why

Yea yea yea, I know. I haven't posted in a while, and it's another dream...
Well, three, actually. I've been having some rather sexually explicit dreams again.

Some time ago, I had this dream that Ronny and I were on 'vacation' at some resort. Ronny, of course, had to work all day. And we were sharing a room with this hunky straight guy. Kind of imagine Hugh Jackman only a little less pretty and a bit more construction worker. After a few nights of subtle hints, we ended up having sex. The thing was, Ronny was already asleep. So, he was in the room at the time. I woke up rather horny, but figured it would be rather rude / bad karma to wake him up to have sex when I spurred on by a dream about cheating on him.

Then a few nights later, I had a dream I was at a party. All gay guys. Nice house. There was this hunky guy wandering around naked with an 18" hard-on. He'd approach someone, ask to have sex, and the guys would all chicken out. He caught me checking him out, and came over. I couldn't resist. So, next thing I know, I have a portion of that WMD in my mouth. After some fun with that, the dream morphed into us watching a Dateline special on TV about him. He was married and had two kids (which he had told me about; he mentioned she was just tired of trying, and was unable to deal with his dick anymore). They went into some detail about how terrible his life had been because nobody would want to have sex with him. (I know, typical Diane Sawyer topics.) They then started talking about his son, who was just hitting puberty. Doctors were anticipating that the son would outsize his father... In my dream, I woke up from that, and had sex with Ronny. Then I really woke up, and had sex with Ronny.

Last night, I was at the grocery store. There was this really hot guy there. About 5'6", blonde military buzz-cut, really well muscled, yummy yummy butt. (Not that I was checking him out...) So, last night I dreamt I was having sex with him. It was that intense, we'll-die-if-we-stop kind of impassioned making-out, gettin' busy. I was Really enjoying it. We finished off by making a big mess all over each other. Then I woke up. Rather horny... Went back to sleep. Had sex with him AGAIN. (I think that's the first time I've repeated a dream hook-up.) Made an even bigger mess on each other. Woke up again Really horny. Contemplated waking Ronny, but decided he needed his sleep.

For those of you who are unsure, the main reason I am willing to end things with Ronny when I leave is that I lack that all-consuming passion. When I was with Sergio, we would look at the clock and realize we'd just spent three hours groping, making-out, kissing, having sex. It was so much more engulfing than what I feel for Ronny. It's hard to keep the relationship alive when there is too little passion driving things. I want what I had with the dream guy...