Seriously

Work seems to be fraying. The department is about to fall apart. I wanted to be the one to leave, but at this rate it may have imploded before I have my six months in. And I've been sort of binge-eating again. My weight loss has ground to a halt. I'm at an OK point right now, but still have like 15 pounds to lose. Grazing through the kitchen is a bad habit, and it has to stop.

Week One

Well, Monday I hated my job. Tuesday I liked it. By Friday I was just weary of it. I am so sick of small manufacturing companies. The pettiness with which the owners treats the employees is so annoying. The thing I liked on Tuesday, though, was that my boss's boss is into consulting, knows tons of people, and is already impressed with me. So, he may be my ticket into something more fulfilling.

Also went to the gym every night after work. For one, I need to lose a big o' chunk of weight. For another, traffic heading along 93-south at 4:30 is generally hell. By spending time at the gym, the traffic has generally eased by the time I am heading home. Still always bunches up right by my exit, but I'm not going to wait until 8 to get home just to avoid an extra 5 to 10 minutes.

Progress

I got my car this week. I stopped by the new job to do the drug screen. After that, I stopped in at the Planet Fitness around the corner and joined the gym. I have a lot of work to do! Then my RosettaStone (portuguese) arrived, so I can start working on that.

I have spent close to 7 grand this past week, mostly the car, but also new clothes and just getting everything 'ready' for next week. Here we go!

Whyyyyyyyyyy

The sure-thing schmuck job never called and is not responding to my email inquiry.

And I have apparently gained a chunk of weight over the winter because none of my shorts fit anymore.

It's always darkest before the dawn, right? I'm ready for the sun to come up!

EDIT: Just got an email from sure-thing company, apologizing for the delay. She said they would most likely have a decision on Monday, and she hopes I am still interested. That implies I am front-runner. Pre-dawn glow may be starting...

Loser

Well, that interview never happened. Can't even get an interview... But two more prospects coming down the pipeline. Not gettin' my hopes up.

Ronny made a mysterious comment about Nauber "saying something" that he shouldn't tell me about. I said you can't say THAT and then not tell me what it is you are hinting about, but he wouldn't. I'm sure it all boils down to the fact that I need to start working on losing weight. A little more and I could try out for Biggest Loser. I'd definitely choose Dolvett!

Sigh

I'm in a bit of a funk. Life has been so stagnant for so long that I feel like I will never find a job, lose weight, enjoy life again... I have no money to spend, so don't like shopping or traveling right now. That makes Nauber unhappy, which makes the relationship feel unfulfilling. It's like a big downward spiral. I've been hanging all the "change" on "when I get a job" that 3.5 years of complete rejection from every employer on the face of the planet is wearing me down.

In honor of my foul mood, here's the most uncharacteristic choice I could find in my collection:

Starving

I restarted my dieting attempts. Post-buffet stupor got to be a bit much, and the pants that had been loosening up were getting tight again.

Hooray

Not much has been going on lately.
The only news is that I stepped on the scale at work today and was very excited to see 165 on the read-out!!
No more muffin tops...

Feel Like Dancin'

Went out to the club again tonight. I called Brad, he said they might go out, so I called Joe, he put me on guest list. Then Brad called, said Cris hadn't shown up, so I said well how about the two of us just go out and have a drink. He said Yeah. But then at 10:30, Cris did show up, so I met up with the both of them at the club. Brad stayed at the bar and played on the little video touch game thing and drank, while I danced my little heart out, again, surrounded by Brazilians. (Oh, like you're SURPRISED...)

Carlos showed up, as did Junio. Junio was being flirty, and I decided to be flirty right back. He mentioned he "has a boyfriend" and I said I knew. He said he "couldn't ..." and I said I knew. But as we all left he said "Call me". I mentioned I don't have his number, and he said to get it from Cris. I said he should tell Cris to give it to me, so he knows it's OK. (I still don't have Mateus' number because Cris won't give it out without Permission.)

I was trying to be flirty with Carlos, as well. He was there with some guy, Philipe, but I am not sure if they are together or just friends. They seemed to stick together a lot, but then during the stripper show, I started gently brushing my hand against him, and he leaned back into me, and I held him through the show. And Philipe was right there next to us. But then later when I said "Pode falar conmigo?" (can you talk with me?) he said yes, but then got up, and pulled me over to the dance floor, and drifted away. Mixed messages... He exclaimed, again, how cute my dimple is (yes, just the one), but would not move beyond scattered flirting.

And this older hot guy whom I met at a party once, and see at the gym now and then, was there. He seemed by himself this time. (He was coupled when I first met him.) I think he was checking me out, but then he disappeared as well. Sadly, that usually means he went to go smoke. I saw him talking with one of the Brazilians, which only confirmed my suspicions... (Again, you should not be surprised.) Hopefully I will bump into him at the gym, and can say hello. Of course, it will take a surge of chutzpa to get myself to say hello. I can only seem to manage that trick once every three years or so (the cruise director being the most obvious instance, and that was blatantly assisted by alcohol).

On the positive side, I burned a hell of a lot of calories! Last week I stepped on the scale again, and it was 168 (I told you!). Today I checked again, and one said 167, with a little fluttering towards 166, and the other scale said 166.5 pounds. I have been eating fairly well this week (after an ice cream attack on Monday). Losing a couple pounds also aids the chutzpa. The fatter I think I am, the more shy I get.

Buffet repercussions

Before heading to Vegas, I stepped on the scale at work, and saw 168. (If you've been following, that means I haven't budged in a couple months.) When I returned from Vegas, the scale said 170. I was not surprised. We did a few too many buffets while in the City of Sin. Sadly, overeating was probably the worst sin I was guilty of, but that's a different post...
Today, I stepped on that infernal scale again, and it responded with 167. Now, I should be happy to see it go down, but I am perplexed more than excited. Gaining 2 pounds while stuffing yourself silly for a week is believable. Losing 3 pounds in one week while eating healthily, and going to the gym regularly is a bit of a stretch. One pound - absolutely. Two pounds - maybe, depending on my water retention. Three?? That's 10,500 calories. That is equivalent to eating NOTHING for five days. I guarantee I ate a lot more than NOTHING.
Who all wants to bet that next Friday the scale will say 168 again?!?

Update

The scale said 167 today!!

I emailed Luther to say I hoped everything was OK. He said he didn't know what I was talking about, everything is lovely. Whatever...

Stuck

Well, I am still at 171. I went to the gym last night, but part-way through my cardio I felt very weak in the legs, and almost passed out. So, I called it quits early and grabbed a cheeseburger on the way home. I figured I was low on iron or something. Of course, the cheeseburger was Actually a bacon-double-cheeseburger with a side of fries... So, why do you think I can't manage to lose this weight?!?

They've been mentioning the word 'layoff' at work. I know that I am not on the list, but would SO love to be... I'd slash the asking price, dump the condo, and move out west with a steady paycheck for six months! What better way to uproot your life than with state-subsidized paychecks!

Merry Christmas!

I spent Christmas, as usual, at my parents’ house, in New Mexico. My brother is nearby, so he and family were there, as usual. For the first time, however, my sister was able to make it out during Christmas. She brought her kids, but not her husband. My flight west had a layover in O’Hare, so I was delayed two hours, and got to Mom and Dad’s at midnight. A number of people were already asleep. I visited with Dad for a bit, then headed off to bed. In the morning, the bathroom was occupied when I woke up, so I left my bedroom door open and waited. When the bathroom door opened, a strange woman walked out and said, “Hi, I’m Dee.” She was a friend of my sister’s, who wanted to visit that area, so tagged along. After much drama (my sister had specifically told her that if she came along, she had to leave us to our family holiday, and not interfere), Dee left for the airport in a huff early early on Christmas morning. She declared she would never speak to my sister again; my sister was OK with that. You can imagine my confusion, however, at the concept of my sister bringing a woman along with her for Christmas. It would have made for a humorous scene, had I brought a male friend along with me! As it was, the topic never came up, so my sister is still uninformed.

Also as is standard, my mother had food covering every surface of the house, and I spent most of my time awake eating. And chocolate, pies, cookies, and junk food were heavily accounted for! As it is, I now weigh 171 again. Five days for Christmas, and I’ve gained back all three pounds that I spent three months losing. As I mentioned earlier, at this rate, it is going to take a really long time to get those 10 pounds off.

Everyone made out well enough in terms of loot. My gift from my sister is always uninspired, so I did not feel guilty that she was less than exuberant about what I got her. My nieces and nephews were thrilled, and that’s the important demographic.

One more point

I forgot to mention the other day that I am now down to 168 lb. Oddly enough, I met up with Ronny, and Brad and Cris, and Ronny asked if I've lost weight. He said I look "too skinny". I've managed to lose a grand Three Pounds since the break-up (yea, it's going that slowly), and he thinks I am too skinny. Another three pounds and I'll be down to where I was when I first met him.

And, I have another job interview scheduled. Call me Audrey Hepburn, 'cuz if I got the job, and ate my morning meal at work, it would totally be Breakfast at Tiffany's! That's right! I (may) end up in the New Product Development group at Tiffany and Company. Wouldn't THAT be cool!

Still the 169

I meant to post this item earlier, but was derailed by a corrupt broadband provider (see post below).

I weighed myself on Monday at work, and was 169! I know that is the same as the previous report, but it was immediately following Thanksgiving weekend. And I did NOT diet over the weekend. Between pizza, cheeseburgers, three Italian restuarants, and more pumpkin cheesecake than I should have, there was ample opportunity to gain weight. So, the fact that I made it out with no change is actually a good thing!!

That date went well, too. He is an excellent kisser, and we could make out for hours... Seeing as how this is almost a week later, though, I should also add that I don't think it's going to work out. Which is a shame, because he is hot, is a great kisser, and is evidently smitten with me. Such is life, I guess.

Weigh-in 2

This Friday I was down to 169!! Measureable progress is always encouraging.

I also have a Match.com derived date scheduled. Take a wild guess what nationality he is... I'll give you a hint; dark hair, brown eyes, speaks Portuguese. The photos look decent, though nowhere near Mateus-level hotness. But I'm nowhere near Mateus level either, so it's all good!

Weigh-in

Due to another weekend of broadband outage (thanks, Charter!) I was not able to check email or post updates to things online. I would have included a brief update on my Celebrity Fit-club progress. After a month of (weak) effort, I have lost a pound!! Yes, one whole entire pound! That may not sound like much, but I still celebrated with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. Just kidding! I know it is pathetic progress. My sole consolation is that it is actually two pounds, since two weeks ago when I weighed myself, I was up one. You can imagine why I didn’t post that announcement. Factoring in the up-coming holidays, I figure about a year and a half to go, at the current rate! Ughhh. I need to find a motivator.

Celebreality

It is official - I need to go ona diet. I had a dream last night that I was a 'contestant' on VH-1's Celebrity Fit Club. Now, I realize that as thin as their definition of celebrity may be, I still do not count as one. But the fact that my subconscious mind placed me in a weight-loss competition means that something has gone horribly awry.
So, to follow the main technique of televised weight loss, I will announce my starting weight and track the progress. (Amy's tantric reading is more fun to follow along with, but I gotta start somewhere.) I weight myself at work. The scales are calibrated every six months for accuracy. I weight myself (obviously) fully dressed. This is not a problem since I'm looking at the delta, not the absolute. Today I stepped on the scale to read 171 pounds. My goal is 160. Doesn't sound too bad. But it has been my goal for almost two years, and I am practically unchanged.
Here we go...