I Don't

(This was supposed to post on Monday, but I wasn't able to.)

Saturday I went into Boston to meet my friend Jennifer for the Chocolate Buffet at one of the Boston hotels. It was good, and very decadent. I thought some of the items were poorly done, though. The tiramisu was a cup of mush floating in weak coffee, and the chocolate crème brulee tasted like burnt pudding. For the most part, though, it was enjoyable. It did consist almost entirely of desserts, of course, so we left with that mildly nauseated sugar-rush, lack of protein feeling. We wandered down to Quincy Market area and Haymarket. Did some minor shopping. After a while, grabbed corn dogs (protein!), headed over to Filene’s Basement, then headed back.

Ronny came over when I got home, and we visited with some friends. Sunday, he and Cris went off somewhere. He claimed they wanted to go swimming at a pool, but it was like 71 and drizzling. He said he’d be back around 4pm, so at 4:15 I called. He was at Club Café (in Boston). He worked at 6, so he said they were leaving soon. He stopped by on his way back to change into work clothes, and give me my birthday present (he apologized for being late). He got me a shirt at Armani Exchange. It is nice, and fits well, though it is something I would never have picked out myself. When he came back from work, we were chatting for a bit on the couch. He brought up again the question of whether I would marry his sister so she could get a green card. I again said I was not comfortable with that. Then he switched to a hypothetical, and asked if I would marry him if they allowed green cards for that situation. I had to say that I would not. He got rather upset, and accused me of feeling nothing for him, and doing nothing to help him. I said he was taking it as too much of an all or nothing. I did have feelings for him and have done many things to help him, but marriage was just too big of a step that I could not say I was ready for. After some debate, he said he was tired and was going to bed. He did not say good night.

This morning when he got he got up, he did not say a word, and did not give me a customary kiss good-bye. Every couple months he seems to convince himself that since I haven’t left yet, that I must not be leaving. The reminders are always painful. According to the pattern, however, tonight he will apologize for over-reacting and tell me how much he loves and appreciates me.